So, you didn’t get the job?
But you ticked every checkbox: your skills and competencies meet or even exceed the requirements; your cover letter and resume were handpicked among many other very competitive candidates; you gave the right answer to every question in all three rounds of interviews.
You thought you really had it and started getting excited. You called home to tell everyone the likely news. New firm. Higher salary. Important title. It feels good – like all the struggles in life were worth it – because you’ve finally land “The Job” and you are finally “someone.” Then the fantasies began. Nicer apartment. Better car. Vintage watch. More impressive LinkedIn.
Email notification. You knew it.
But…wait…hang on…
“Dear candidate, thank you for applying for this role. This year the competition was exceptionally high, and we regret to inform you that your profile has not been selected for the next stage. Thank you for applying.”
Pop! Poof! Whoosh!
The sound of the fantasy bursting.
Back to reality. Same apartment with three roommates and one shared bathroom. Metro card. Casio timepiece. No updates for others to congratulate you with, tapping on pre-written prompts.
But it’s not just a burst of what could have been. It hurts too, because reality hits hard. Inflation. Tax increase. Bill-prices are up. Rent hike. Tip prompt: 25%.
And what else? It’s confusing. How could you have done a better job? You did everything right, and the result: failure.
You want to know why? You want to know the truth? Well maybe they just didn’t like you.
It’s a simple answer that might sound crazy in our world where almost everything is quantified and in formulas.
Seriously. Almost everything. Think about it.
Restaurant Stars. Uber rating. IMdB score. Hotness scale. Follower ratio. Life expectancy. Body count. Body fat percentage. Dollars per hour. Hours of screen time. Depression rate. Suicide rate. Cost of therapy. Cost for SSRIs. It goes on and on and on.
So how does something so subjective and something so human still influence decision making in a world of ones and zeros? Well amigo: the answer is within the question: there are human influences because you and I still live in a human world, where emotions, preferences, opinions, expectations, and simple prejudices all have an effect – and in the business world we use the fancy phrase “workplace culture” to describe people and their social preferences.
Let’s go back to the example above. You did everything right but maybe even only one person didn’t like you. When the hiring manager scratched out your name he made a note: “Not the right fit for us.” He could have just as accurately written “not our vibe.” What does it mean? It could be anything: apolitical or too political; asocial or too social; not funny or too funny, too serious or not serious enough – the fact is that you might never know.
What you have to decide is whether or not this is fine or a problem. The world is a big place with lots of people who form their own cultures. Just because you don’t fit in, doesn’t mean you won’t ever fit in or want to fit in. Maybe the hiring manager is doing you a favor. Maybe that firm that you desperately wanted to work for, their idea of a company night-out is Pilates and Kombucha, when your preference is Pilsner and Purple Kush. Maybe they know that despite your talents and skills, you just don’t have it – whatever “it” is.
If this is the case: then don’t worry too much. You’ll find your people soon and you’ll be happy you never forced into a culture that wasn’t for you. But this isn’t always the case. And for this cohort, the solution is much harder than simple patience.
Some people are eccentric – some people cannot fit in or refuse to fit in.
If you are that very difficult and stubborn person who can’t or won’t make concessions and fit in, then you’ll have to show determination. Life is hard as the lone wolf. The Maverick. The Sigma.
If you’ve decided that you’re going to swim upstream, then you’ll have to accept the life struggle. The life as a soloist can be rewarding, but it can also result in drowning – is it worth it? I can’t give you the answer.
Now, for those who think they are able to accommodate and tailor themselves then there is a reason for the professional life vs. the private life. If you don’t need to be your authentic self all the time – then you can be your “professional self” from 9-5, Monday to Friday, and save your unorthodox “private self” for after work, on weekends, during your vacation. There’s a reason for why suits and ties and pencil skirts are the norm: it’s a uniform. Too much variance can cause chaos, and people have to more or less be on the same page when working together.
You have to understand: none of this is really advice or prescription.
All that I have presented for you are the doors, and what’s behind them. Some people are very happy to fit in – in any culture, in any workplace – and that’s fine. If you’re one of those people, you will be fine. But the challenge is presented for people who struggle fitting in, who get rejected because they are “not a fit for the company”.
And to succeed in a company, in a corporation, “in a society” as people are so fond of saying, means cooperating, means becoming less of an individual and more a team player – even if it’s artificial.
At the end of the day – you have to decide how much you’re willing to accommodate and adjust to: nothing is without risk and struggle. Life is a game, and the player has to pick his journey.